Just a Snowman

8:00am I made a snowman. My children and our dog love it.

8:10am A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15am So, I made a snow woman.

8:17am My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20am The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22am The transgender ma..wom...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25am The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28am The black man down the street calls me a racist because the snow couple is white. I yell at him and say they're not a couple.

8:31am The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa.

8:40am The Police arrive saying my neighbour who is a preacher has been offended by the snow couple who live in sin.

8:42am The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43am The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45am TV news crew from the ABC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00am I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10am I am asked if I have any accomplices. My children are taken by social services and animal protection association takes my dog. I guess nobody wanted my wife.

9:29am Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded.