Just a Snowman
8:00am I made a snowman. My children and our dog love it.
8:10am A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15am So, I made a snow woman.
8:17am My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20am The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22am The transgender ma..wom...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25am The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28am The black man down the street calls me a racist because the snow couple is white. I yell at him and say they're not a couple.
8:31am The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa.
8:40am The Police arrive saying my neighbour who is a preacher has been offended by the snow couple who live in sin.
8:42am The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43am The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45am TV news crew from the ABC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00am I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10am I am asked if I have any accomplices. My children are taken by social services and animal protection association takes my dog. I guess nobody wanted my wife.
9:29am Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded.